Doulas are in a service business. Our success depends largely on how we manage our relationships with others. Many of us have excellent communication skills when things are going well. It’s when things don’t go so well that we can become mired in self doubt and uncertainty. Doula
work offers many opportunities to learn and improve our conflict resolution skills, including when we are the source of the conflict.
Try as we might, doulas are no better or worse than other humans at making mistakes. It’s how we behave when we do that defines us. Having a workable Code of Ethics and Standards of Practice can provide an essential guide in setting a standard. However, doulas also need to develop trustworthiness and to take responsibility
for the impact of our actions despite the intentions. These are the hallmarks of a mature adult. This article covers some common incidents that require action and possible amends on the part of the doula.
In this first instance taken from my doula interviews, the doula wasn’t sure if there was even a problem.
- Did you or didn’t you?
In this situation, the doula is asked to leave by their
clients because a couple wants “more privacy” or a “couple experience”. This can be awkward because you don’t know if that’s the truth or if that’s what they’re saying because they don’t want to deal with what’s really bothering them. Most experienced doulas would tell you to follow your client’s cues without any pressure or questioning. Just do what they ask and let them know you’re still available if needed. One of my interviewees said:
“I once had
this happen at 7 cms, +1, and 90%. Of course I left. No arguments. We’re about 100% support no matter what. I waited outside in the family waiting area just in case they wanted me back, but they never did. They said it was my decision to stay, they would have just sent me home. But birth is too unpredictable for me to do that.
In postpartum, they had several opportunities to discuss the birth with me. I never asked if I’d done something because this
was a professional relationship, not a friendship. My written review was stellar. In retrospect I can see that I provided exactly what they needed. I soothed their anxieties during pregnancy and got them through the most difficult parts of the labor (in their eyes). Once they felt “home free” at 7 centimeters, their priorities changed.”
- You did and the client feels the impact was
minor.
In this instance the doula made an error but it didn’t matter much to the person or the outcome. For example, you missed a communication from the client and arrived later than expected to do labor support...
Click here to read the second half of the article...
